Sections
“What sorrow awaits the world, because it tempts people to sin. Temptations are inevitable, but what sorrow awaits the person who does the tempting.” Matthew 18:7
What Are Modesty and Immodesty?
Why Is Modesty More Than Just A Mere Suggestion?
Quotes On Modesty
What Are Modesty and Immodesty?
For the purposes of this article, modesty and immodesty are defined as follows:
Modesty
To be an influence for righteousness in the lives of others through righteous manner and behavior.
Immodesty
To be an influence for wickedness in the lives of others through unrighteous manner and behavior.
With both, someone is choosing to do something, whether knowingly or in ignorance, that affects others for good or evil.
Modesty pertains to all our behaviors and can influence others across a wide spectrum, but this article will focus mainly on the modesty and immodesty of the way we choose to dress ourselves, especially as it relates to lust.
The “Modest and Sexy” Oxymoron
Ever heard this expression relevant to how one dresses? “Modest and sexy!” It’s an oxymoron.
Being modestly dressed means dressing so as to avoid impropriety or indecency, especially to avoid attracting sexual attention. And since sexy means sexually attractive or sexually exciting, it is literally impossible to be both modest and sexy at the same time. This guile is clever advertising that appeals to the worldliness within, that part of a person that wants to satisfy the carnal man.
The compulsion to be “sexy” is ubiquitous. It hangs over the people of the world like a dark, corrosive mist. For whatever reason, the Eternal value of modesty eludes the world. Many who dare step outside their imposed social bounds to speak up for modesty and against immodesty are verbally brutalized by those assumed to be Christians and those known to not be.
As it relates to clothing, this I know: “sexy” is for the private and sacred having to do with marriage and “modest” is for the rest of the time. Exceptions should be obvious, but many situations that shouldn’t be exceptions are made to be exceptions, and without warrant, bringing immodestly constantly into the view of everyone who isn’t a hermit. Immodesty has become that inch that took a mile.
I have a hope that individuals, families, and communities of believers will forsake immodesty and be willing to go without activities in their lives that would require wearing tight, sheer, or otherwise revealing clothing in public, or they’ll improve the activities so immodesty isn’t part of them. No excuses. No inches. No miles.
In today’s porn culture, modesty has never been more important to those seeking to live chaste lives, even if it has never been more neglected.
Why Is Modesty More Than Just A Mere Suggestion?
What follows pertains to modesty, chastity, pornography addiction, and obedience to God.
For the sake of both prodigals returned to the fold and long-time faithful currently under intense pressure to depart from it, please take a moment to consider these things.
The Principle of Modesty Is Essential to Christian Living
Dressing modestly often requires us to check our motives. Are we dressing a particular way to draw attention to ourselves? To feel superior to others? To engender jealousy in others? To incite lust? Out of idolatry? Have you considered the command of Jesus to men to not look upon a woman to lust after her, for doing so is adultery in his heart? Is not the corollary also true, that dressing in a way to incite lust is also adultery in his or her heart?
Immodesty Undermines Moral Agency
Who has ever said, “But I’m not responsible for what other people choose to think about!” I have. Most of us probably have. And it’s true. We’re not responsible for what other people choose to think. But, if we’re saying that as a response to immodesty, perhaps we’re not quite seeing the point. This isn’t about the choice someone gets to make when confronted by immodesty, it’s about the “choice” immodesty imposes. And, it may happen before conscientious thought even kicks in, or beneath or outside of conscientious thought.
The eye paths images to the brain. When the human eye (especially in men, but also in women) captures a sexual image, the brain releases chemicals that prepare a person for a sexual encounter (what I’m calling a trigger). When it happens outside of marriage, I call it a porntrigger.
Wearing clothing that is tight, sheer, or revealing in any other manner is, by our own culture’s definition, sexy. Sexy can be defined as sexually attractive or exciting, or arousing. What causes those feelings? Straight-thinking adults know the cause and effect, even when we won’t admit it.
The person seeing the image doesn’t have a choice in the matter as to whether or not the trigger happens. If it’s going to happen, it just happens. They get to choose what to do with the experience, but they may get triggered regardless of their will. Therefore, the person who is immodestly dressed undermined the other person’s moral agency relevant to sexuality, even the choice they should have been able to make for themselves to look at something sexually stimulating. That’s one reason why modesty is part of the essence of chastity.
Penitent porn addicts who have become self aware enough to comprehend what is going on in their mind know that their chemistry is altered within a second of seeing an immodest image. All they did was use their eyeballs to see. Yes, they don’t have to then act upon it and engage in abuse, but when you factor in that immodest images infiltrate the mind hundreds or thousands of times every single day, it begins to be clear that every one of them has a major battle—a battle that all of us could help them win.
Within communities of believers, I believe that battle would be much easier if we would help each other by dressing modestly, creating places of refuge in our believer communities. That goes for all of us—men and women, young and old.
The Immodest are Tempters and Persecutors
Being immodest means becoming a tempter and persecutor of those who are striving to live faithfully, advertising paths that lead away from God. Instead of speaking and behaving in the light of truth, the immodest lend their words and actions to the adversary and might not even realize it.
Indeed, spiritually speaking, modesty is that we should avoid a tempting manner or appearance, a principle that ought to be gladly embraced by disciples of Christ, without complaint. What are tight yoga pants or skinny jeans or muscle shirts worn in public places compared to the robes worn by celestial beings in the presence of God? What is a $5 million mansion compared to the mansions our Father in Heaven has built for the faithful? And what is a dirty joke or a vulgar word compared to the pure language of Heaven?
A struggle with a desire to behave modestly is a struggle with discipleship and a resistance against sanctification. When someone feels strongly about modesty and about becoming a modest person, that is one of the obvious signs that person is abiding in the love of the Lord. It comes naturally to the redeemed and converted and those chastised by Heaven. Modesty grows from the seed of repentance and experience with the atonement of Jesus Christ, and modesty is a distinguishing characteristic of the culture of Saints.
Faithful People Are Hurting
When I made this topic a matter of intensive study, it seemed like most people had been ignoring it. I occasionally overheard some Christians say that teachings about modesty were silly or offensive or untrue. What they didn’t seem to know or believe is that immodesty is a stumbling block for many men, including but not limited to porn addicts. We hear it all the time with things like swimsuit magazines, the underwear stores at the mall, risqué magazine covers at the grocery store, and ads online; but the same effect takes place with ordinary immodesty in day-to-day life. And it’s so pervasive in our culture.
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NOTE: Someone must have shared this article with a feminist group, because I’ve received a lot of comments from that ilk.
Some of their feelings were very interesting. Because I learned quickly that responding to these comments only fostered contention, I decided to extract relevant portions and frame them as questions and then comment on them.
Question:
Doesn’t it support rape culture to say that immodesty undermines moral agency and that sexual imagery contributes to addiction and relapse?
Answer:
I’m not all that familiar with rape culture, but I assume what you’re referring to is that there are rapists who refuse to take responsibility for their crime and instead blame it on the person they raped. It’s important to note that this blog post isn’t about rape, which means that you’re taking the things I wrote about sexual imagery and its connection to the chemical processes in the brain and that connection to porn addiction and applying it to something far more extreme, presumably in an effort to shut down a conversation you’re uncomfortable with.
I have heard that most (if not all) rapists used pornography. Is it a causal relationship with pornography triggering a latent tendency? I don’t know. I have read that rape is commonplace among pornographers, but I’ve also read that most porn addicts have never committed rape, even if they do lapse into fornication, promiscuity, and/or various forms of abuse and self abuse. But I want to pose a question to you. What if there was a rapist who later deeply regretted what they did and, while incarcerated, went through a process of deep introspection and of learning from their crimes. I wonder if, in the interest of protecting victims from a similar fate, you’d listen to what they had to say about why they did what they did. Or would you discount all of it on the grounds that because they did something terrible, they are incapable of telling the truth about their experience? That would be a foolish and dangerous way to go about learning about what contributes to rape. If you really care about protecting women (and children and men) from rapists, you’ll listen to any who are sincere about their penitence and who are eager to help others avoid the same downfall.
Question:
Jesus states very clearly in Revelations 3 that we must overcome (our fleshly desires) to sit at the right hand of God. Isn’t it true that your blog post basically says that porn-addicted people don’t have to work on themselves but that it’s only the immodestly dressed people that need to change?
Answer:
No. If you read this blog post with a mindset open to understanding its points, you saw that penitent porn addicts already are working on themselves and working with Christ to overcome the carnal man within. What they’re looking for in the faith is a helping hand. They’re recovering and they’re asking for help from their fellow saints, which is a group that has consistently been chastened and instructed by God to be modest. While those with tendencies toward porn addiction have work to do, so do those of us with tendencies to desire to dress immodestly. Both are in the wrong and both need to change. One big difference between the two is that it’s still culturally and politically correct within the culture to teach repentance to porn addicts. It’s not, however, politically correct to teach modesty, as is very clear (especially if the words “leggings” or “yoga pants” are mentioned). Whenever someone dares, there’s pitchforks and fire.
Question:
In our culture, why have women been so pressured to dress modestly while men run around (exercise) or mow the lawn without a shirt on?
Answer:
This is a wonderful question that I don’t know the answer to. Modesty clearly applies to both sexes. In what I write, I always try to make it very clear that I am addressing both men and women. Even with my extra care to make that clear, most of the comments I’ve received still say I’m targeting women. I’m not. What I am targeting is immodesty.
Question:
What about the poor or other cultures where immodesty is normal?
Answer:
Give the poor some clothes. And teach the other cultures to repent and believe the gospel. For those who sincerely accept the gospel, modesty will become their cultural norm. Evil aspects of cultures aren’t sacrosanct, they deserve to be squished.
Question:
Isn’t there more to us than sex? Isn’t it satan that wants us to wear clothes? Doesn’t God want us to be proud of our bodies?
Answer:
There is more to us than sex, yes, but sex is one of the more powerful aspects of our nature (as it should be), as we are driven to procreate and connect with a spouse. It is a gift from God and is meant to be powerful, but it’s also meant to be sacred, as are our bodies and the way we present them. We are meant to be beautiful and attractive to the opposite sex, but God commanded that sexuality be exclusive to a married man and woman. Satan wants us to value gaudy and/or expensive attire and to dress in revealing clothing. And he tries to get us to cover up our sins so we won’t repent. He wants us to hide them from God. And let’s remember that God made Adam and Eve clothes. And did Jesus not wear clothes? If Christ was the great exemplar, why did He not carry out his ministry in the nude and teach others so to do? If modesty is not important, why does God tell us to do it? Are you saying that the guidance we get from God actually doesn’t come from God? The truth is that choosing to dress immodestly while being aware that doing so is against God’s will sends God a message. The message is this: I don’t believe you, and I’m going to do what I want regardless of your will. In so doing we embrace pride.
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Quotes
Psalms 31
Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. … “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!” Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised.
1 Timothy 2
And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do.
1 Peter 3
Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful.
1 Thessalonians 4
God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. …God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives. Therefore, anyone who refuses to live by these rules is not disobeying human teaching but is rejecting God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.
1 Corinthians 6
You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything. …But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies.
Proverbs 7
While I was at the window of my house, looking through the curtain, I saw some naive young men, and one in particular who lacked common sense. He was crossing the street near the house of an immoral woman, strolling down the path by her house. It was at twilight, in the evening, as deep darkness fell. The woman approached him, seductively dressed and sly of heart. She was the brash, rebellious type, never content to stay at home. She is often in the streets and markets, soliciting at every corner. She threw her arms around him and kissed him, and with a brazen look she said, “I’ve just made my peace offerings and fulfilled my vows. You’re the one I was looking for! I came out to find you, and here you are! My bed is spread with beautiful blankets, with colored sheets of Egyptian linen. I’ve perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. Come, let’s drink our fill of love until morning. Let’s enjoy each other’s caresses, for my husband is not home. He’s away on a long trip. He has taken a wallet full of money with him and won’t return until later this month.” So she seduced him with her pretty speech and enticed him with her flattery. He followed her at once, like an ox going to the slaughter. He was like a stag caught in a trap, awaiting the arrow that would pierce its heart. He was like a bird flying into a snare, little knowing it would cost him his life. So listen to me, my sons, and pay attention to my words. Don’t let your hearts stray away toward her. Don’t wander down her wayward path. For she has been the ruin of many; many men have been her victims. Her house is the road to the grave. Her bedroom is the den of death.
1 Corinthians 6
Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.
Romans 12
And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Isaiah 3
Jehovah says, moreover, Because the women of Zion are haughty and put on airs, painting their eyes, ever flirting when they walk and clacking with their feet, my Lord will afflict the scalps of the women of Zion with baldness; Jehovah will expose their private parts. In that day my Lord will strip away their finery—the anklets, head ornaments and crescents, the pendants, chains and scarves, tiaras, bracelets and ribbons, zodiac signs and charm amulets, the rings, the noselets, the elegant dress, the shawl, the kerchief and the purse, hosiery, sheer linen, millinery, and cloaks. And instead of perfume there shall be a stench, instead of the girdle, a piece of twine, instead of the coiffure, baldness, instead of the festive dress, a loincloth of burlap; for in place of beauty there shall be ignominy. Your men shall be felled by the sword, your might overthrown in war. Her gateways shall lie bereaved and forlorn; she shall sit on the ground destitute.
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